After her
husband of fifteen years comes out of the closet, a blindsided, forty-year-old
Amanda Lewis is forced to salvage what remains of her shattered heart and
navigate a new life for herself and her teenage daughter. But will a sizzling
secret romance with a famous young NFL quarterback lead her to winning the life
she deserves or set her up for her biggest loss yet?
As she embarks on the journey of rebuilding her home, Amanda discovers that
finding forgiveness and repairing her damaged self-worth are her biggest
challenges of all. While searching her soul–and even searching inside her
city's history–she finds answers. But will answers come too late and can a
broken heart ever be truly fixed?
Excerpt
Chapter 1
"If we had no winter, the spring would
not be so pleasant. If we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity
would not be so welcome." -Anne Bradstreet
JANUARY
Six days of relentless self-pity mingled with
bouts of guttural sobbing. Pain so persistent her hair hurt. The raw grief now
behind her, Amanda recognized the brilliant face of hope poking through her
dank mood, offering a piece of relief from the misery. Although an unshowered,
disheveled mess, she intended to celebrate hope. The sunshiny face of hope. Her
focus now, along with surviving a Saturday night alone, would be getting to the
root of why he left, and then fixing the problem.
Three drops of red wine cascaded from the
glass's rim, adding another stain to Amanda's sweatpants. Making her way to the
sofa, her comforting friend, she tugged at the drooping waistband. One benefit
to Derrick announcing the end to their fifteen year marriage one week ago, she
mused, was the loss of a few pounds. What a cruel diet plan. She flipped
through the movie channels unable to find one she hadn't already seen this
week. Enough with the nauseating love stories.
The remote hit the floor as she reached for
her cell phone, which alerted her to a new text. Probably another friend
checking in or a family member inviting her to a sympathy dinner, she thought.
It was Derrick. His name on the phone screen
shot a ball of sickness into her gut. After a quick response, she bolted up the
steps to her bedroom, hitting her sister's number on her speed dial on the way.
"Deb, Derrick wants to meet me for a
drink tonight. What do you think?" Amanda asked, yanking her pink sweater
from the hamper, Derrick's favorite.
"I think maybe he finally got his head
out of his ass and wants his perfect life back." Her sister's irritated
tone evident and expected. But his life obviously hadn't been perfect here, and
Amanda had to know what she did to cause his departure.
With another sigh, Amanda spoke, not really
wanting advice or comfort, but just needing her sister's reassuring company.
"I'm not sure what's gonna happen, but I'm nervous, really nervous."
"Text me if things aren't going well and
I'll come over and key his precious Beamer in the parking lot."
Amanda laughed—a laugh only her sister could
create. "That would be wonderful. Thank you!"
"You got it. Hey, because of this
snowstorm coming in, Lilly's going to just sleep over. Don will bring her home
in the morning if the roads are clear, okay? It's teen horror movie night at
the Pucharelli household!"
"Sounds great. Lilly deserves a fun
distraction. Thanks again!" Although the thought of her daughter not
sleeping in the next room tonight caused a wave of sadness to wash across her
heart, she knew she needed to focus on Derrick.
"Good luck tonight, Mand. Be
tough."
After dressing, she peered into Lilly's room.
What would life be like for Lilly if Derrick stayed away for good? How many
other nights would Amanda spend alone in this house? With a hard sigh, she
headed to the garage.
In typical Pittsburgh fashion, the gray
January sky hung low, the snowflakes increasing in volume. Amanda's impractical
choice of pumps over snowboots screamed vanity, but her attempt to look
attractive for her husband reflected her desperation and her hope he would come
home to her. Praying out loud in her SUV over the blaring courage-building
music, she pleaded with God to end this nightmare. With a glance upward into
the grayness, she petitioned for her greatest fear to be dispelled; Derrick had
found another woman.
Since his departure, her imagination had
played out the possibility of infidelity. Pulling into the restaurant's parking
lot, her mind traveled there one final time. Perhaps their basically sexless
marriage had been a warning of his unhappiness. He had been visiting the gym
more often and wearing cologne at odd times. Could those be signs of a new
love?
She forced the gear shift into park while
sucking in one more breath. She entered the snowy night.
Her eyes, sore from crying the night before,
scanned through the trendy restaurant. She moved through the irritating noise
of people engaged in conversations and followed the sounds of the Saturday
night crowd into the bar. A pungent waft of heavy garlic turned her stomach.
She instantly recognized the back of his
dirty blonde hair, shiny with hair products. Derrick turned in his barstool.
Dressed as if he had just walked from a Banana Republic ad in his dry-cleaner
pressed khakis and lime green oxford, he faced her, looking as handsome as the
day they had met in college. She thought it unfair his graying temples only
added to his good looks. Locking eyes, she felt the same excited flutter she
had when she spotted him in their Greek Mythology class nineteen years ago. Her
mind knew his scent before she was close enough for her nose to detect it.
Standing with an exaggerated eagerness, he
pulled out a barstool and slid it toward her. She interpreted this as his
attempt to avoid hugging her.
"Hey…hi there, Amanda."
"Hi...Hey, Derrick, how are you?"
Their words stumbled over each other's like
two people on a blind date attempting small talk, weighted with awkwardness.
Keeping the discussion to the topic of Lilly, their only child, they finished
half of their beers. Although not typically affectionate with each other in
public, she touched his thigh twice during their conversation, reminding him
she had been his wife for a long time.
"Look," he said, redirecting his
eyes to the dwindling foam on top of his beer.
She tensed. Pushing her long auburn hair over
her shoulder, she knew conversations starting with "look" are
typically not good.
"I have something difficult to tell you
but I think it's something you've known all along."
"What?" Her eyes hit his, and then
fell to her glass. Her heart pounded.
"Will you look at me, please?"
She did. In the moment of silence, she
studied his flawless face and remembered the times she would joke he had a
prettier face than she had. His tired eyes, she thought, seemed to be
straining, perhaps trying to tell her his news without having to speak.
He blew a long breath through his lips,
proclaiming, "I'm seeing someone."
She knew it. With three words, her fear
turned reality.
"Who? What… who?"
"It's not important--"
"Not important? Who is she? How long,
Derrick, has this been going on?" His secretary? A woman at the gym?
"It's a man, Amanda. I'm seeing a man.
I'm gay. I'm so sorry. I've known for long time--"
"No. No. You're joking…" Her head
shook as if it could knock out his words.
"Amanda, I'm sorry. I need to end the
lying."
Her breathing paralyzed; her body wanted to
faint, to shut down. The blood left her head and her limbs. From deep within
her gut, she forced out, "You bastard." A week ago when Derrick
walked out of the house with a suitcase he had packed without her knowledge,
she thought there could never be a greater feeling of shock than at that
moment. But, she had been wrong.
Caught in a nightmare, she needed to escape.
She wanted to run, to scream, to grab a vodka bottle from behind the bar and
smash it across his beautiful face. Jolted by laughter from a group of men
watching the NFC Wild Card playoff game next to her, she started to breathe
again.
Questions rattled in her mind like coins
loose in a spinning dryer. Voice quivering, she asked, "Why? Why all these
years of lying? Why now? Why cheat on me and not be honest? Do I deserve
that?"
His face twisted in anguish as he attempted
to explain, "It never seemed like the right time to hurt you or Lilly. I
was happy, most of the time. You are… my best friend. I do love you,
Amanda." His patronizing touch on her arm burned. "I pushed it away.
I tried every day to push who I was away so we could have our life. Then I met
Jake and I knew I couldn't live this lie any longer. I couldn't face you and
Lilly anymore."
Since his words weren't diminishing the
sting, she attacked, "I hate you. I hate you so much."
The polished young couple next to them halted
their possibly first or second date conversation to look her way in stunned
curiosity, causing Amanda to swallow her words. She cursed him internally for
doing this to her in public.
Looking away from all eyes, pretending to
watch the football game, something she would ordinarily enjoy, she continued in
a weak whisper, "You are nothing but a coward and a liar. You stood in a
church and promised to love me forever and honor me. You're a liar. Oh my God,
you're definitely leaving me. You have a boyfriend! Oh my God…"
Unlike a week ago when his announcement left
her frozen, staring at him unable to cry, the tears came easily now. She buried
her face into a napkin and watched a mental video of their life together. Then
flashed the signs. Signs that should have told her he was gay. He had loved
cooking and shopping. Were those signs? Of course not, her mind yelled as she
pressed her fingers into her temples. What about a voice inside her whispering
that something was not quite right?
Though what he told her clearly ended their
marriage, her mind searched for ways to fix the situation. Her heart naively
searched for hope. Maybe this was a temporary mid-life crisis?
He touched her shoulder. Pulling her posture
upright, she inhaled causing the anger to devour the sadness, creating a
strength needed to continue. "Why not do this before we walked down the
aisle? You robbed me of fifteen years of my life." Then she saw Lilly's
face. If they had not walked down that aisle, there would be no Lilly, no
beautiful Lilly.
"I wish I had been brave enough to face
who I was back then. I'm so sorry. I loved you and I chose you, Mand. I know I
was a coward. I suppose I let society's expectations of me decide my fate. But
I'm ready now to start my life over."
Start his life over? So, he rewound the video
of his life so he could record a new one, erasing her. Her thoughts froze and
she ended the questioning. Outwardly, anyway.
They discussed
the cold details of divorce: lawyers, living arrangements and Lilly. Gracious
and giving at this point due to his guilt, Amanda doubted he could remain
agreeable throughout a divorce process. The Derrick she knew loved a good
argument.
Author Bio
Lori lives in
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where she writes women's and children's fiction.
RENAISSANCE OF THE HEART is her debut novel. She's also the author of
children's books, RILEY'S HEART MACHINE and CONFETTI THE CROC, both written
with the hope that children will celebrate what make them unique. She's also
written award-winning flash fiction pieces and her articles have been featured
in various publications.
Lori serves on the
Board of Directors for the Children's Heart Foundation and is the president of
their Pennsylvania chapter. She visits schools to speak about writing, about
the human heart and about embracing what makes you special.
Besides writing and
spreading awareness about Congenital Heart Defects, her passions include her
two daughters, her husband, Mark, her Pittsburgh sports teams and running in
5Ks. Lori is a member of Pennwriters and she loves her local writing groups!
She is a graduate of the University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown with a Bachelor
of Arts degree in communication and journalism. She also holds a paralegal
certificate from Duquesne University and is a former Washington, D.C.
paralegal. Visit her website at www.lorimjones.com.
*RILEY'S HEART MACHINE (Guardian Angel Publishing)
*RENAISSANCE OF THE HEART
(Soul Mate Publishing, Spring 2014)
*CONFETTI THE CROC (Winter 2014)
www.facebook.com/LoriMJonesAuthor
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Interview
Can you
tell us what prompted you to first start writing? What was the first thing you wrote?
I
remember walking in the woods one day in college following a big snowstorm. I
wanted to capture the beauty of the scene – not just the beauty of what I saw
but the beauty of what I felt. When I wrote about snowy walk, I loved the way
it made me feel – like music to my soul.
Then when my first daughter was born, I made up stories to tell her and
I began my children’s fiction writing adventure. It wasn’t until 2009 that I
started working on my first novel.
Can you summarize
your latest work in just a few words?
This
latest published book: I’d describe as a quest to find forgiveness and love
after major heartbreak.
What was
the inspiration for this book?
I wanted to use my own journey of
surviving divorce (with similar circumstances) and finding forgiveness and turn
it into a character’s story. So, I took my own experience, married it with a
“what if” scenario and threw in my love of Pittsburgh and football (added in
some fantasy) and Renaissance was born. I’d heard Stephanie Meyer (author of
Twilight) say how she got started by simply writing down her fantasy on her
laptop while being a stay at home mom. Shortly after, I sat down at my own
laptop and typed away!
Did you do any research for the book?
Since my
own divorce happened in Maryland, I had to research Pennsylvania divorce laws.
And, I had my husband take me on a date at the fancy restaurant that my characters
frequented – purely for research!
Other
than that, most of the story came from my own experiences and also my own
knowledge and love of football.
What does
a typical writing day involve for you?
I write
every Wednesday with a group of fellow writers in a meeting room at a local
restaurant. Other than that, I have no set schedule. I try to write maybe a few
hours here and there at local coffee shops while my kids are in school. Or,
I’ll steal a few hours late at night when the kids go to bed.
How do
you decide on the names for your characters?
For this book, I
used names of family & friends for all the support characters. Derrick,
Lilly & Jake were just names I liked and fit the characters personalities.
For Amanda & Bradley, twenty years ago, I decided to try to write a romance
novel. I had the main characters’ names – Amanda and Bradley – but had no plot,
nothing to write about. Then life happened to me and I gathered lots of plot!
So, when I wrote Renaissance, I kept the names Amanda and Bradley. For other novels, I’ve researched the
meanings of certain names to fit the characters. And sometimes, a name just
pops into my head and it sticks.
Which
writers have influenced your own writing?
Anita
Shreve, Jodi Picoult and Emily Giffin are some of my favorites, so they
certainly influence my writing. Currently, I’d say I’m enjoying the writing
style of Liane Moriarity.
What are
you working on next? Do you have a WIP?
I’m
finishing up my third novel that is women’s fiction with some controversial
romantic twists. When a forty-something wealthy suburban housewife finds out
she’s in need of life-saving kidney transplant, her husband and friends prove
not to be so supportive. But she soon finds comfort from two men from her past.
What has
been the best part of the writing process…and the worst?
The
best part is a scene or a chapter comes together and exceeds my expectations.
When I see it go from a bunch of words into art. When I read back over
something I’ve written and think, wow, I wrote that?! And I also love when I’m
not at my laptop but off doing something else, and my characters start talking
in my head and create a whole scene when I hadn’t even planned to write that
day. And the worst part is the business side. It’s very tough. If only we
writers could spend all of our time creating, but that’s just not the reality
of it.
Tell us about your travels.
I’ve probably visited less than ½ the states in the US and been to
Mexico and the Caribbean, but I’ve never been overseas. But certainly, someday,
I would love to visit Italy, France and England.
Tell us about your childhood.
I grew up
in a very loving family in the Pittsburgh suburbs. Looking back, we didn’t have
a whole lot of money, but we were never in need of a thing. I’d describe my
childhood as very happy. I’m still very close with my family – in fact, I live
next door to my sister!
.Most writers have some quirks – what are yours?
I’m quirk-free, completely normal! Well,
honestly, I’m not sure. I do carry on extensive conversations in my head with
my characters while in the shower, on a run or in the middle of the night.
.Do you plot your novels or allow them to develop as you
write?
A little
of both. I have a general idea of where I’m going, but then I like to see where
my characters take me. As I get toward the end, I’ll generally try to outline
the final chapters to make sure I’m tying up all loose ends. But that outline is
very cryptic and general. And, once I start writing the chapter, I may
completely change something that I had planned for story.
Have you taken any creative writing courses and would you
recommend them?
I took
some non-credit creative writing courses after college when I first thought
about becoming a writer. I would absolutely recommend taking writing courses to
anyone serious about writing. Especially in the beginning.
1What book(s) are you reading at the moment?
I’m reading
Liane Moriarity’s Big Little Lies and also a book on how to promote my
children’s books.
If you were stranded on a desert island and could only take
three books with you, what would they be and why?
Bible –
because if I were all alone I’d surely be in need of some spiritual guidance, a
wilderness survival guide of some sort – for practical reasons, and the “Thorn Bird”
because it’s my favorite romance novel.
1Do you have any advice for new writers?
Yes, to
join writing groups and connect with fellow writers for support because I’ve
learned so much through them. You can’t do this alone. And, you need feedback
on your writing. Who better to give you feedback then a fellow writer? And,
just keep writing! Write every day if you can. And keep reading everything in
your genre. And drink wine. Lots of wine!
THANK YOU so much! These questions were
a lot of fun!
